Given that I am blonde haired and baby faced and almost obscenely happy and smiley, when I lose my shit and snap at someone they seem to find it quite shocking - even devastating.
People seem to find me funnier too when my sweetly childlike voice is contrasted with a random outburst like "what the ACTUAL fucking fuck?" when something shocks me or pisses me off. I must just not look like the kind of person who swears and hurls staplers in a temper.
I am also in posession of the legendary long fuse so whilst most people are used to me benignly smiling and rising above the petty bullshit, every so often I'll snap like a red-headed stepchild and scream "I CUT you, you beeetch!" whilst they run for the hills, pissing themselves in terror.
Twitter encourages ADHD, and ranting for me. The slightest thing that pisses me off at work is now vented quickly and expeditiously on Twitter, leaving me as calm (and let's face it, fat) as a Hindu Cow.
I was recently working on a project with the Public Sector and would have most likely beaten them to a bloody pulp had I not had my ranting outlet of Twitter to diffuse the ack. It works for me in the same way that coming home and cooking does. Release the evil. (Ugh, Little Nicky sucks)
So what is the latest thing to have gotten my goat? (What, I don't have a goat? Do you have a goat? I WANT A GOAT!) People who are ignorant, have no imagination and are closed minded.
Oh this applies to all situations in life - I hate bigotry but I also despair of passionless people without that natural curiosity that either leads to a spirit of adventure or to just making the most of the time you have in life. You know the kind of people who go on holiday and insist on eating egg and chips at every meal? *shudders* I obviously respect knowing what you like and more importantly being satisfied with what you have but for the love of Bowie, try something new and broaden your horizons a bit!
Specifically today I have renewed my annoyance with people who upon being faced with a vegetarian either look at me in total horror, or look blankly at me and say "but what do you EAT!?"
Well number one *roundhouse kick* I'll fucking eat you in a minute.
</end overly hormonal psychotic impulse>
And number two this comment tells me that you think that a meal is not a meal unless it's meat and two veg and one of those veg is a potato and the other probably comes out of a tin.
I eat the same meals as Omnivores eat, but I substitute the dead animal flesh for a different protein - either a meat substitute like Quorn, or eggs, pulses, grains, nuts, seeds and some dairy products.
Think of a meal that you eat - spaghetti bolognaise, chili con carne, canneloni, lasagne, moussake... all of these can be made using Quorn mince or a mixture of beans and it will have the same texture and flavour as the meat version. How about a roast dinner? Well I'd make a vegetarian gravy, have a Quorn fillet and eat the same vegetables as everyone else. I can make vegetarian pate out of beans, I can make a curry out of a staggering range of fruits and vegetables (or use Quorn pieces if the balance of protein is off) and I dare you to tell me that my vegetarian soups would benefit from meat to make them better.
When I get into a conversation with someone about it, I always find that my diet is far more varied than the majority of people. I don't think this is because I'm a vegetarian, but is because I love food, I love cooking it and I love eating it and I could easily make a meal every night for a year with a fairly limited range of ingredients without cooking the same thing twice.
I also find it really irritating that people STILL in this day and age don't know the difference between being a vegetarian, a vegan and a pescetarian.
Some vegetarians eat milk and eggs (this makes them a lacto ovo vegetarians), some vegetarians eat fish (this makes them pescetarian) some are vegans which means that they do not eat any form of meat or fish and also don't eat or use animal by-products (everything from eggs and dairy to leather or glue).
When I go to buy a sandwich and ask "what vegetarian options do you have today please?" and someone offers me tuna I want to stab them in the eye with my stiletto. And if they don't have an option without onions it will go the same way but that's a whole other argument.
If you don't believe me - check out my food blog. http://everythinggoeswithtoast.blogspot.com/
Even though I'm a vegetarian I do post recipes that include meat (because I wouldn't want to inflict my beliefs on someone) but most of them are vegetarian and I'd be amazed if you would turn them down as not appetising just because of a lack of a bit of pigs arse.
On behalf of vegetarians everywhere (except the annoying preachy ones, fuck them! Don't convert people if they want to eat meat, it's their choice!) I would like to ask you to stop being so arrogant as to assume that a meal isn't a meal without meat. Come the revolution, we will destroy you.
Ziggy played guitarrrrrraaaaarrrrraaaarrrrrr.
Title: John I'm Only Dancing by David Bowie