The task list of a demented person
6:30am - wake up to alarm bleating at you. Swear at alarm.
Get up, take a shower, clean your teeth, put on moisturiser, makeup and clothes.
7:00am - make the bed, check the windowsill, bedside cabinets and other sufaces for dust, fill laundry basket with dirty clothes, fold the clean and dry laundry to be ironed and put away, unplug various phones from wall jacks and put chargers away, collect empty water glasses to be washed up.
7:30am - intend to leave the house after putting in laundry, having breakfast, washing up and grabbing your lunch.
Discover instead that The Boy has "helpfully" emptied the kitchen despite not having been told that they were replacing the window today.
This means you cannot have any breakfast or in fact reach the fridge to get your lunch out and also means when you get home from work you'll have to reassemble the kitchen again.
And did anyone mention that this was wholly unecessary because they are NOT replacing the window today?
8:00am - take off coat and Skull Candy's, tuck into toasted currant teacake (after Tweeting about craving one, naturally) and start working.
11:00am - could quite fancy some soup. Rather than walk downstairs to the Pret under your office to see what the soup of the day is, decide to contact Pret via Twitter to find out what soup they're making.
13:00pm - should really stop working and have some lunch now.
Use this time to make a note of personal tasklist for this week
Today I need to go to Tesco after work to buy groceries and shower gel for The Boy, then reassemble the kitchen before I can make dinner, then finish painting the ceiling upstairs and begin on the walls.
The carpet man is coming with samples to provide a quotation on Tuesday, they are coming to pick up our old sofas on Thursday.
I need to buy my Stepsister a birthday present, I need to call Barclays and remind them they owe me £15.06.
I need to order the shelving units for the living room and pick them up, I need to find out when they are actually putting the new kitchen window in, I need to varnish the dressing table I stripped so our bedroom will be finished, I need to remove our bedroom door and shave 3.5mm off it, I need to paint the living room, I need to move one of the freezers in the kitchen downstairs and move the storage cupboard from downstairs in its place.
I need to attack the grouting in the bathroom with a toothbrush and some anti-mildew stuff to prevent any getting through. I need to set my friend up on Twitter and Facebook so she can promote her new business. I need to dye my hair before I further resemble Lily Savage.
Consider moving to Paris to live on wine and cheese and sleep in a bin behind the Pompidou centre instead.
Ziggy played guitarrrrrraaaaarrrrraaaarrrrrr.
Title: Looking For A Friend by David Bowie