The power of voodoo

Being the completely ordinary person that I am, I never experience such phenomena as the "duelling manifestations of ambivilent poles of ones personality suggestive of schizophrenic tendencies". Oh no, sir.

OK so I do. My name is Lianne Marie and I might as well live in a cartoon.

I woke this morning at stupid O'clock because The Boy was off on the road AGAIN (hate his stupid impressive job sometimes, why must he always be away?) and he was banging around his office whilst packing.

"Could you BE making any more noise?" I remember grumbling at him whilst burying my face in my pillow. I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I remember he was gone and I was getting up to fill skirting boards, cut off surplus bubbles of expandifoam (expaaaannnddiiiifoooooaaaam) and make a list of things to paint this evening.

Top room: Wall paint up to ceiling. Ceiling paint up to wall. Coving paint and door frame.
Living room: New skirting boards, coving paint

Just final coats/tiny touch ups that won't take long, I hope but have to be done tonight and tomorrow night before The carpet comes on Friday. 2 days. 2 days until the room is almost finished and the furniture can be put back/assembled. Oh JOY!

Before I started doing that though I did suffer a little from the duelling manifestations of ambivilent poles of ones personality suggestive of schizophrenic tendencies.
I experience my two tiny selves not as an angel and a devil, but as a grown up me and a childlike me.

Childlike me has pigtails, dungarees, a rainbow bandana and wrist bands and often roller skates.

Grown up me has a twinset and pears under my rainbow apron - suggestive I suppose of my domestic, responsible self.

The conversation went a little like this.

*alarm rings*
Me: Mmmmmppphhhh, time to get up. Oooh look it's sunny
CLM: NO! We don't want to get up. We want to stay in bed and read The Hobbit. And have pancakes, let's have pancakes later.
Me: I do like pancakes... but I have to go to work in 4 hours
GUM: Yes, she has to go to work.
CLM: Work sucks. PANCAKES!
GUM: So? She still has to go.
Me: Actually it doesn't suck!!! I love my job. Getting up now...


And so I get up. I go into The Boy's office and tidy it up (I had to! There were 4 dirty cups in there) before cracking on with some work on the house, taking a quick shower and running out of the door to go to work.

CLM: Why are you going to work? Go back and get your rollerskates! We could skate down this big hill here wheeeeeeee
GUM: What, this big hill with a dual carriageway at the bottom of it???

CLM: What of it? There's a wicked good patch of grass that she could dive to safety onto if she had to
Me: That does sound pretty cool. Maybe I could rollerskate to work...?
CLM: Yay!

GUM: What if you break an ankle? Your coccyx is already sore from your randomly replaced chair, what if you fall down? You'll have to take time off work.
Me: I hate time off work. You're right


And then I walk to work - it's glorious sunshine, the birds of singing. Ok... so the pidgeons are eating cigarette butts and pieces of chewing gum from the pavement but you get the picture.

Me: Oooooh look at those pretty shoes. I am sooooo needing those

GUM: Would you rather have the new shoes or buy a wardrobe for your new tenants?
Me: *thinks for 0.02 of a second* SHOES!!!
GUM: How much money will it leave you for important things if you buy them?
Me: Erm... erm... I'm not so good with maths... erm... help me out here
CLM: *sings* I like my new bunny suit... when I wear it I feel cute
Me: Erm... some?
GUM: YOU CANNOT HAVE THOSE SHOES. Go to work!
Me: Yes'm.


I think I need a prescription of cake.


Ziggy played guitarrrrrraaaaarrrrraaaarrrrrr.


Title: Dance Magic by David Bowie

2 comments:

Spalderdash said...

You bloody nutjob. Hope you manage to get it all done in time, sweetichops! And you WILL. Because you is clever. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Miss McCarthy said...

I love you! hahaha XXXXX