A multitude of things are capable of setting me off on one of my "I despair of the human race, by golly I do" benders.
Britney Spears - since 1999 when Baby One More Time first made my ears bleed and her inane bleating about wanting to be a celibate role model for young women whilst wearing a thrush-inducing red catsuit of epic camel-toe proportions made me want to stab out my eyes with a spork I have loathed this woman. "I told you so" is not my style but I have been telling people that she was deranged for years - it took less than 10 years and a pair of hair clippers for her to prove me right. The world let her breed. TWICE. You wish you'd listened to me.
Smokers - rather than willingly inducing death by smoking, may I suggest that you make better use of your time by committing suicide and donating the money you are wasting to charity.
That way you don't invade my airspace. Oh and if you're a parent and smoke you should be sterilised and your children taken into care. Selfish fucks. *
I will try not to make this an exhaustive list because I sense that my vitriol is making you dizzy but the below leads me to the point of this ranty blog post...
Daytime television, Saturday night "entertainment", Soap Operas, tabloids and their moronic audience - nothing makes me sympathise with people passionate about Eugenics than being faced with people who watch The X-Factor (without irony) and consider its output "music". People who read The Sun or The Mirror. People who go on programmes like Tool Academy, Big Brother, Jeremy Kyle and have no dignity.
I simply cannot bear the layer of "celebrity" that programmes like this create. I used to read Heat Magazine for 2 reasons
1) It was the only magazine which took the piss out of Britney Spears instead of tonguing her demented arse.
2) it enabled me to have an awareness of all the z-list "celebrities" so that I knew what colleagues and friends were talking about without me having to watch these mind-numbing bowel-loosening shows.
I don't read it any more and I find life all the sweeter for not knowing who the fuck Matt Cardle is.
I find if these people have done anything noteworthy it will be on Twitter or in the Guardian.
Speaking of which - the inspiration for this diatribe.
On Twitter today Leona Lewis was trending, as was The Metro. Out of curiosity I clicked upon the Leona Lewis link only to discover that she is trending because The Metro have announced her as London's Most Influential Woman for International Women's Day. As voted by 60% of the 10,000
I am willing to bet that this was 10,000 people taking the piss or 10,000 drooling morons who didn't understand the question was "who is the most influential woman to live or work in London in the past 100 years".
How is democrasy ever going to work in our country if this is the kind of decision that we make?
I'm sure that Leona Lewis is lovely. I will gloss over the fact that she rose to fame as a result of The X-Factor or Pop Idol or whatever and admit that she has actually been successful as a result of it and that's admirable. I did a bit of research and she's gone multi-platinum, won 3 grammys, has been number 1 in over 30 countries and also beat records for "fastest downloaded" singles. For a young lass that's impressive and despite not liking her music at all, she's clearly very talented and very pretty and deserving of her success.
But most influential woman in London for the last 100 years. ONE HUNDRED YEARS? She's only been famous for about 5 minutes! And is her music really THAT inspiring to deserve this title? She's not a humanitarian or an entrepreneur. She doesn't save lives and as much as I respect the power of music I'm willing to bet that her music will never make her an icon like Madonna.
The only reason I know who she is is because I am one of the biggest Vivienne Westwood fans on the planet and Leona Lewis is frequently dressed by her. Incidentally Dame Vivienne Westwood, the Godmother of Punk, one of the most iconic British fashion designers EVER a woman who went knickerless as she accepted her WELL DESERVED OBE was also on the list.
She got 0.21% of the votes.
She's from Yorkshire, how could she not be more amazing and inspirational than Leona Lewis?
I mean for god's sake Princess Diana only got 0.64% of the votes and she was a national treasure - she didn't even get the sympathy vote for being dead.
What about women who actually change history for women or achieve amazing things?
Over the last 100 years surely we could have dug up a Nancy Astor or an Emily Pankhurst and not someone who won the frigging X-Factor?
This ruins my faith in humanity.
That box outside the Pompidou centre never looked so good.
Ziggy played guitarrrrrraaaaarrrrraaaarrrrrr.
Title: Suffragette City by David Bowie
* disclaimer: to those friends of mine who smoke, I don't actually wish you were dead. This is why I would like you to stop smoking. :-) Because I love you.