If we can sparkle he may land tonight

Once upon a time in a land that seems oh so far away I used to have different priorities.
I used to spend time pampering myself, I used to go out a lot, I used to buy new clothes and shoes and wear accessories. For months now I have barely had time to dye my hair, cut my hair (and yes I'm terrified of the hairdresser), paint my toenails, moisturise, breathe... I walk around looking like god know's what but I do my job, I finish all my projects and one day I will find time to exfoliate again. Probably in a week when the living room is finished.

I see beauty in hard work, I take pleasure in knowing that I didn't spend Sunday lazing in my pyjamas - I spent it making our house beautiful - when it's done, the time I spend lazing in my pyjamas will be all the sweeter for having beautiful surroundings.

I am still peachy keen on spending vast sums of money on pretentious tea, cooking everything from scratch (including ketchup occasionally, for serious) and scowling every time I walk past a vending machine, McDonalds or ASDA.
I see no beauty in a world with these things - they're not for me. That doesn't make me better than you, it has no relevance to you whatsoever. I grew up with Alice singing about a world of her own, with Madonna saying "I have the same goal I've had ever since I was a girl. I want to rule the world" and that shaped me.

I don't care what other people do or think when it comes to them and their worlds, but when it comes to me... I might not rule your world but I sure as hell rule mine.
I want to be allowed to take pleasure in the things that make me happy without it threatening people who don't think the way that I do or do the things that I do. You go ahead, you do your thing, you make you happy.

When will you understand that it's not about what you do, it's about what I do? Leave me to hate smoking, ready-meals, slobs, tabloids, daytime television, saturday night entertainment, soap operas, caffeine, laziness, bad manners... whatever it is that I offend you by not getting down with.

By expressing a strong opinion I do not seek to illustrate the differences between us, I celebrate the differences between people because it brings colour and variety to the world.
It's about having pride and self respect but understanding that the definition of "normal" or "happy" or "acceptable" or "achievable" varies with every single person.

I sometimes work 12-14 hours a day and I love my job. If you do not, this does not mean that I have less respect for you. Whether you live for work or work to live or don't work at all, I don't actually have an opinion about this as long as you're happy.

I love to cook because I take pleasure in food.
To me eating is a purely sensory experience and I am very passionate about the process of shopping, cooking, presenting my food and eating it. I have absolutely no issue with those who can buy a "meal" from a petrol station or a vending machine. I might have a strong opinion of it not being something that I could ever take pleasure in doing but that doesn't invalidate your right to take pleasure in it. If delicious to you is a Ginsters pasty then you eat your Ginsters pasty. If I come round to your house for dinner and you give me a takeaway pizza served from the box and wine out of a chipped mug I see no difference in that from you coming round to mine for a meal I have cooked from scratch and painstakingly matched the wine to. You do things your way, I do things my way and I will love you and your cosy, muss-free approach because it's who you are.

Entertainment is another thing. I absolutely loathe shows like for example The X-Factor, I would rather dig out my eyes with a spoon, swallow them whole, shit them out and put them back in the sockets than ever watch it... but if you enjoy watching it and find it entertaining then good for you! I absolutely loathe DVD piracy but I have politely watched pirate films at people's houses on I think 3 occasions because I don't have any interest in forcing my principles on other people. Why should I? Lyndsey and I used to get together and watch Lost every week - before Lost she would watch 90210 and Eastenders - shows I would never watch in a million years, but I sat my ass down and kept her company whilst she watched them.

I have OCD. I need my own surroundings to reflect what makes sense to me. Things have to be in certain places, in certain orders, be certain colours, textures, scents.
I clean our bathroom 3 times a week, I sometimes get up at 3am to scrub the tile grouting with an old toothbrush because I can't sleep... I am aware that my insistence on my own house meeting the standards that I set myself are not "normal" to you. Yes if you don't have a clean and tidy house I will find it hard to identify with how you can walk around on that sticky, dirty kitchen floor, or sleep between those dirty sheets or bathe in that scummy bath with pubic hairs stuck to the sides... but it has nothing to do with me. That's the way you want your life to be and I respect that.

I don't care how you get your kicks - gay, straight, bi, fit, lazy, fascist, slut, prude, religious, atheist... whatever bloody label you give yourself I GET IT. Even if I don't get it - I accept it.

If you are happy, I am happy. Do not apologise for being different to me. I expect you to be, and I want you to be. I won't judge you and I won't discriminate against you.

Ziggy played guitarrrrrraaaaarrrrraaaarrrrrr.

Title: Starman by David Bowie


Lau said...

Do you know what I don't like?? The fact that you always have to justify your opinions! I'm guessing you got some flack again? Seriously. I hope this helps people get their backs down.
FYI - I think that Gingsters is made out of ground up dog meat. X

Spalderdash said...

Ginsters is indeed wank. I'm all for a take-away pastry thing once in a while, but Ginsters taste like cardboard. Bleurgh!

I love you. I have commented in more detail elsewhere. For now, just know that I think you're brilliant.


temmahkrik said...

Whatever we may disagree on, when it comes right down to it, we actually have a lot in common. And I think we both receive equal amount of shit for it. *laughs*