Question 1) What's the weirdest thing that has happened to you lately?
I burned the back of my head on a lightbulb whilst painting a ceiling. That was pretty weird.
Question 2) Do you find vampires sexy?
I'm not sure they're real. Do you know something that I don't know? In movies; Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas, Jason Patrick... yes. But if you are asking me whether I've joined the leagues of idiotic moist knickered Robert Pattinson fans then no. Twilight is gash.
Question 3) What can you smell right now?
Success. This entire office smells of bitchtitsweat and winning.
Question 4) What was the first thing you did this morning?
I and The Boy forced 2 sofas and an armchair of the ugly persuasion out of the living room and into the street. They were picked up 20 minutes later by the council whilst I waved out of the window and took pictures like a demented Japanese tourist.
Question 5) What are you enjoying about today?
I've enjoyed tweeting from @QAApprentices to those getting their GCSE and A-Level results today. I also enjoyed the Bowiefest in The Guardian
Question 6) What are you thinking about?
I'm tired of this now. Is there any cake?
Question 7) Shhhh! I'm asking the questions here.
That wasn't a question now was it?
Question 8) The question was implied.
Your inflection suggests otherwise.
Question 9) Ahem. As I was saying. What was the last song you heard?
Such Great Heights by The Postal Service. WAIT! No that was the first song I heard this morning - the last one was Edith Piaf - Milord.
Question 10) Why do you love David Bowie so much?
How can you even ask that question? Are you mental? What's not to love?
I love him because he's fabulous, because he writes wonderful music, because he has amazing style and presence and is truly, magnificently iconic. He has rocked every era of British music since the 1960s and his music will stand the test of time, forever. If you disagree I will cut you slags up.
Question 11) What are you wearing?
A deeply unimpressed scowl, it's loaded and dangerous and it's pointed at your balls.
A red dress, a black shrug, black lace tights, black suede dance heels with bows on the t-bar.
Question 12) What are you doing this weekend?
Are you asking me out? Sorry I don't have time.
I'm going to be painting the house, cleaning the house, sorting out storage, ordering a new sofa and carpets, taking tea with my MIL, celebrating The Stepsister's birthday, making The Boy take more things to the tip, being visited by a friend and if I'm really lucky - dyeing my hair because I resemble Lily Savage on an off-day.
Question 13) You're mental do you know that?
The best people are. Except you. After all - juste parce que vous etes un caractere ne signifie pas que vous avez le caractere.
Ziggy played guitarrrrrraaaaarrrrraaaarrrrrr.
Title: New Killer Star by David Bowie