Don't play the game of time
Things that happened in the past
Only happened in your Mind
Only in your Mind... forget your Mind
And you'll be free yeah
The writing's on the wall
Free yeah and you can know it all
If you choose. Just remember
Lovers never lose
'Cause they are Free of thoughts unpure
And of thoughts unkind
Gentleness clears the soul
Love cleans the mind
And makes it free.
~ David Bowie - Fill Your Heart
So I left you in a strange mood brought on by Yorkshire Life confusing me with cakes made of cheese and beautiful wedding dresses. It didn't take long for me to snap out of it and return back to "I would rather stick a spoon up my arse and eat the contents than have a wedding" mode.
He did reply saying "yes I will be your husband" but I think to this day he still thinks that I was kidding - knowing as he does that I am as allergic to the idea of us having a big circus wedding as I am to mushrooms and soya.
One day he'll propose to me, I'll say yes, he will slip a beautiful ring onto my finger and I will hope and pray that it doesn't blind me to who I am and what I want which is to not make a spectacle of myself and spend a fortune on a day which has nothing to do with us, but everything to do with fitting everyone we know into one room, pleasing all of them and hoping they don't kill each other. I am still very much on the "we'll be going away and having a small wedding on our own thank you very much" plan.
I never grew up playing with barbie dolls and fantasizing about a wedding. I had action men, lego, tonka trucks, remote control cars. I liked to get out and get muddy and climb trees and play football with the boys on my street. When I go to a wedding I look for the love between two people and celebrate it and often think that it's strange that we have this tradition of a ceremony to "validate" a union between two people who are in love. I am going to spend the rest of my life with The Boy - it won't take a wedding to achieve that so what's the point?
I'm less than conventional, The Boy is a mental - we're a couple of kooks. I realised that I loved him after 1 month, during a drunken weekend at my house but rather than tell him, I wrote it on his head in icing and licked it off. He told me he loved me 2 months later at a wedding reception. Before coming home and weeing on the radiator. You see - we don't need a wedding, we need sectioning for the safety of the world!
Ziggy played guitarrrrrraaaaarrrrraaaarrrrrr
Title: Fill Your Heart by David Bowie